I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I want is dick and wine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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