The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize