so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
