She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
