this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
