You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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