I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
