I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
