meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
