I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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