You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
