my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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