Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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