I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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