what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
