on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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