Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
