i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
