He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
