I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
