he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
