How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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