i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
