I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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