hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
