she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
