the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
