we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
