I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i believe in u and ur pee
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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