I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
