I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
