Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
