Screwed.edu
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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