these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
