i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
