I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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