my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize