I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Edward fifth and chaser hands
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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