I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
