Can Purell be used as lube?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
