porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
