Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
