I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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