and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
