I hate all girls vehemently.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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