I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
