after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
