you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I did not marry a roomba.
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