based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
