My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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