My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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