Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am mentally ready for anal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
