I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
