no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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