I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
