Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The struggles of a small town man whore
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
