call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
