chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
