then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize