it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
