Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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