I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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