would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
