I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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