We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
