Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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