it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
