my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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