Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
