Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
