I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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