I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
